Am I falling out of love with Harry Styles?
Growing Up with Harry and Grammy Thoughts
Within the last couple of years, Harry Styles has been the “it-guy” for his attractive looks, colorful and gender non-conformity fashion, and his go-lucky, kind attitude. But, for most Harry Styles fans, our initiation started with One Direction. Whether you were a fan from the X-factor days, WMYB, or even later, those five boys stole our hearts.
To be a growing adolescent in the height of Tumblr, Wattpad fan-fiction, and role-playing on Instagram and Twitter, the 1D fandom was all-consuming.
When One Direction broke up, and the boys decided to pursue solo careers, Harry was one of the first to put out music (besides Zayn, since he was deemed the “bad boy” of the group and became more niche) to stick out. Undeniably, Harry was one of the better singers in 1D, so it makes sense, and paired with the vulnerability that it took to make his first solo album, fans were in love, and so was I.
I transitioned into adulthood during the release of Harry Styles and Fine Line. Then, I started college, where, like most people, I learned more about myself and had access to communities that were different from those back home. For the people reading who don’t know me, I identify as queer, non-binary, and lesbian, but primarily queer, and I find it more encompassing.
I always knew I was fruity but would always give Harry a pass because, damn, he’s fiiiine. However, I most definitely was the one to say, “Oh, I just want to get to know him, just be his friend, not just a one-night stand,” knowing that there was a definite infatuation and love for his public persona. Since the ripe age of 10, Harry was one of my biggest celebrity crushes, and he could do no wrong.
With that being said, since the pandemic, many of us have done some internal growth, or at least I have. I learned and continue to learn more about the queef community and its black and brown roots. Being actively proactive in listening, consuming, buying, and talking with BIPOC and AAPI people has changed the way I think about how most people treat gay white men compared to black trans women.
Now, by no means am I comparing Harry to anyone. Still, since being immersed into such a loving, diverse, and supportive community of queer people, Harry is quite honestly doing the bare minimum as he is profiting from the queer community.
The 2023 Grammys was a catalyst for my feelings of falling out of love with Harry. If you are unfamiliar with the controversy that happened on Monday night, Harry’s House won album of the year. There is a lot of discourse, positive and negative backlash, and I can understand both sides. I enjoyed reading Impact’s article to create a better understanding of both sides. All I have to say is no artist makes music to win a Grammy, and they make music to express and feel their emotions. With that being said, The Grammys are always going to have their biases toward white people.
Regardless of the controversies, I don't find myself gravitating toward his music and fans as much, let alone fawning over him. In this current stage of my life and my queer journey, his actions and words seem very performative regarding the queer community, whether that’s his intention. Also, by no means am I forcing him to come out, but showing, with actions, no words, some solidarity would be cool.
A final note -
Lately, I’ve been finding very little connection towards Harry, his fans, and his public persona like I did when I was a young teen, and it feels bittersweet. I think he’s a good person, but there is always room to grow more and advocate more for the people who continue to be oppressed in the community that you are being praised in. There is no malice in this critique, and I wish him the best and to make everything worthwhile.